Dear Jeffrey @ GayWebSource.com, your gay advise column.

Dear Jeffrey,

I am 18 and I have known I was gay since I was about 6 year of age, I want to tell my family I am gay but don’t know how can you help me?

Steven,

Your best policy is to always be honest with yourself and others. The easiest way for you to come out is pick the person in your family you trust the most and tell them first. They will in turn be able to help you come out to the others. Once you tell them give them time to understand. It might be hard at first, but in the long run it will normally make your life a little easier to handle. Do what your heart tells you is right.

Jeffrey

Dear Jeffrey,

I am a gay who lives in syria ... where it is a place that u cant even dare to make a contact with anyone who is known as a gay ... i m really puzzeled and in need to help .. things here are so complicated and i cant live putting this mask on my face forever ... Gilbert

Dear Gilbert,

Well Gilbert.... Be yourself.... but also be safe.

Not everyone can be understanding and accepting of us. That is why you, I and everyone else must teach them. We must teach them that we are people to. People who just want to love someone as they do. People who can respect as they do. We can be policemen, fireman, accounts or the leader of a city. We are people who care about others as they do. We are no different than they are, other than the sex of the one we are attracted to. We can also be their best friend. So, show them that we can.

Dear Jeffrey,

Help! I am a middle aged gent-stuck in Aurora, CO because I am disabled-(heart, and several other fun things)-since I am basically inactive, I am chubby-ick! How, do I make a gay aquantance in such a situation? Any help is appreciated. J Lee

Dear J Lee,

If it is hard for you to go out into public I would suggest the use of personal ads or a dating service. You might want to get in contact with your local gay community center. They might be able to offer some in sight to local clubs for gay men in your area. Maybe there might be one of interest to you. If you don't have a local communtiy center contact your local gay publication. I am sure they would be willing to give you some ideas for your area.

Dear Jeffrey,

The nature of gay relationships differs from straight ones primarily in the inability of a man to only see love in another man. Doesn't every man see envy as well?

Gay men are always most envious of those to whom they are attracted.. after all we all strive to attract. So it stands to reason that when somebody does attract us that the feelings will be tinged with envy.

How much purer the love would be if it was just love, and not envy. I am sick of feeling envious for the men that attract me. It makes me feel more loss of self, rather than loss of potential love. Its a source of emptiness and pain.

Jeffrey, how does one get past this? My life has been hijacked by envy, but has yet to be rescued by love.

Envy + Love = Life Long Relationship

Dear Michael,

First I would like to thank you for your letter. It made me think a little before writing this. First you must realize this does not differ from a gay to a straight relationship. Everyone has envy for the person that they fell in love with. If you ask anyone who is in a relationship, what they seen in the person that they are with you might get a lot of answers. But, there is only one true answer. If they gave you an answer something like because they where HOT AS HELL! Well then that was the correct one. I am sorry, but you don’t find your self attracted to someone because of his or her personality or they are a really nice person. First you must be attracted to someone because they look good. After the initial attraction it is their qualities inside of them that make you fall in love. So it is healthy for your relationship with that person if you are in envy of them. In the beginning you want something that you don't have. You want something that only they can give you. You want them. You get love only when they have the same envy for you in the beginning. If you have the same feelings for one another you can start building the relationship with the goal being love. Then you will have your life partner. The best way to find love is don't look for it and it will find you. I am not saying stop dating. I am saying don't expect every one of your dates to be that person, but pick them as if they could be.

Dear Jeffrey,

I have had gay feelings for many years, but have never done anything about it. Always pushed it to back of head. I am now thinking of having sex with someone. I have yet to find that someone. But for when I do, can you gives me any tips how and what to do.

Dear Jerry,

If you want to meet someone, you do it the same way a straight person meets another straight person, but go to places that other gay men go. A good place are the gay bars. A lot of people also have luck with personal ads or dating services. As to your question what to do.... what ever come naturally. Dating is dating no matter what the sex is. Go meets some people!

Dear Jeffery,

I am a gay youth who wants to come out to his family, but dont know how to approach them with the news of my new found gayness. I have told all of my friends that I am gay, but they told me that they already new that I was and that they didnt care. I somewhat think that that is what my family would say, but I am afraid that I would embarasse them if others were to know that they had a gay in the family. Please help if you can, your fan David

Dear David,

You will know when it is time to come out. Because it will just happen when it feels right for you. Make sure you are ready for the outcome... good or bad. The best way for you to do this is to go to a family member whom you feel close too and that you believe would be the most accepting. This person can help you talk to the rest of your family. If you dont have this person in your life, you do have your friends. Use them... Support always helps. Local youth groups are always a good resource. As your friends did, don't be surprised if your family already knows and are accepting. Good luck my friend.

Dear Jeffrey,

I like this guy but im not out yet and i think he likes me i mean we dont talk alot but we do talk about an hour and a half each day but i dont know if hes gay hes asked me twice but im not gay im bi and i said no b cuz technically im not and i think he might tell someone and im worried that he will and what if hes not gay but if hes just wondering cuz im not sure cuz there are rumors at school but i
dont know i mean i deny it because most of there just completely wrong and i just dont what i should do can u give me some advice

Chris

Dear Chris,

If he is talking to you for an hour and a half a day and he is not gay, I would guess he is a good freind. If he is a good freind, then you should be able to trust him even if he is not gay. My advice to you is to build on the freindship first, see what signs you get from him and do what your heart tells you.

Dear Jeffrey,

Im not sure whether I am still in love with my partner, we have been
together for 8 years but he is very tempermental and is quick to break something when we fight, especially when drink is involved, im not sure if we should have a break or not?

Lesley

Dear Lesley,

His temperment doesn't seem to be the problem here. You need to figure out if you still love him or not first. If not move on. If you do still love him get to his temperment problem and work on fixing it. This includes changing your ways if you are part of the problem. Look deep into your problem for your true answer, I don't think its on the surface. Good Luck

Dear Jeffrey,

I am approaching my 52nd birthday and have been having a problem for over 8 years.

I was partnered to a man for 22 years and needless to say, loved him dearly. He died 8 years ago of cancer and I still can not get him out of my heart and mind. Is this normal to grieve this long and still love a man long after he died?
I think of him everday and miss him as much now as I did when he died. I have entered into another relationship that is no where near the passion and love I had had with my first partner. This guy is entirely the opposite of what I had
the first time. I even hate sex now and have not enjoyed anal since my partner died. Please, your insight will be appreciated.

George.

Dear George,

When you lose someone you love, that person will never be replaced or forgotten. If they were you never really loved them. What you must realize is that no two relationships are the same. This is the same of a relationship between freinds or lovers alike. You must not build your new relationships based on your old. Build from what you have and if it is not working move on until you find the right person. By the way it is ok to grieve for as long as you need to.

Dear Jeffrey,

I know this is weird because i'm a woman but I need some
advise from a gay male, ok I met my husband online 1 and a half yrs ago hes from England and hes 51, only married once back in the 70s for 3 yrs and, i,m 38 atractive, in my prime woman, well when we first met for 2 weeks things were good, then when he moved in with me our sex was next to nothing, and has been for over a year, he says hes always had low sex drive ,but jeffrey he wont um touch me there... and i,m lucky if we have sex twice a month, ive begged him. yes ive asked him if he was gay and of course he said no,, and when he sees something on gay men he
really overdoes it and gets mouthy about it.could you tell me the sighns of being gay male? il,m really a nice person and i'm clean and i am at the end of my rope with him hes dated lots of women and they end up having affairs behind his back because of his sex prob. he said he could care less if we ever made love again ,and
asked if i could live with that..

well ty Baby

Well Baby,

First of all your man having a low sex drive with you doesn't mean he is Gay. I am 35 and my partner is 25. We have been together for four years as of this past Sunday. I love him dearly and hate hime dearly at times, as he does with me. Relationships have ups and downs, gay or straight alike. We don't have sex often but that doesn't mean I am straight. Try something different in your relationship. Make sure your doing things he likes and its not all about you in the bedroom. But most of all stop begging ... it will push him further away! Find something he likes and capalize on it. Don't tell him your going to do it, Just do it. Find what makes him feel good and move on with it. Good Luck!

Dear Jeffrey,

I am a 40 year old man who just came out of the closet. Until this year, had never been with a man. I am only attracted to guys who fit the fantasies I had when I was young (usually guys in their 20's with great bodies). The men my own age just dont "do it" for me. I have dated many guys my age who were very nice but I had no desire to be close physically. Occasionally, I meet somebody in the right age bracket I find interesting, but they are always getting the younger guys. So, I feel I am left with the older guys who have not found anybody. I know this is childish but if I am not going to be attracted to the guy, I might as well go back to dating women. I am getting very depressed about the lack of passion and loneliness it is causing. I wish I could change. Any suggestions? Mike

Dear Mike,

Most of the responses that come in to Dear Jeffrey are answered by my partner Steven, however I have choosen to answer your question myself. You see I can some what relate with you. I am almost your age, shy by five years. I also do not normally find myself attracted to men my age. My partner is ten years younger than I am. We have been together for almost four years now. My partner is also somewhat like us. He is normally attracted to older men and not guys his age. There are many younger men who perfer a relationship with someone older. So Don't worry there is someone out there for you to... Try the personals.

But Keep searching you will find him.... Good Luck Mike!

Dear Jeffrey,

Yesterday, my boyfriend called and broke up with me... he used the line that he hopes we can still be friends, he said that he still loved me but he didn't love me in that lover type of way. It hurt me alot... and he said we might get back together. I am so confused, what do you believe I should do? Brett

Dear Brett,

First of all, how old is this boyfriend? The reason I ask is because the part of him saying " we might get back together " is really kinda childish. If he needs to think about being with you then he probably doesn't want to be with you at all. I say you lay low for a while. I tried the let's be friends thing before.......believe me it doesn't work, it causes more pain than anything. There are bigger and better fish in the sea so keep on fishin' man!!

Dear Jeffrey,

I have a best freind who is dating this guy. Me and my freind use to date at one point. Well i am very attracted to my good freinds boysfreind and i think that he is attracted to me but they have been dating for a year now and it could just be flirting but i am not sure what is going on. What do I do. - George

Dear George,

Okay so your attracted, leave it at that. Believe me it is better to not cross that forbiden boundary of flirting with a friends boyfriend. It will end in nothing but a huge ass mess. There are plenty of guys out there to flirt with, my suggestion is that you find one. But of course you could always have a 3-way. That should make your friendship a lot stronger...........NOT!!!!!!

Dear Jeffrey,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. He tells me he's in love with me yet he beats with a stick. Should I take this kind of pain because I love him to? gay Henry

Well Mr. Gay Henry,

Only if you enjoy it. Some beating can be fun.... depends on when there done.......with love.... Jeffrey

DEAR JEFFREY:

My lover, Zack and I are gay and have been together 5 years. Zack is deeply involved with his church. He belongs to several local Religious organizations.

When Zack and I go out together, sometimes people approach him and say, "Hi." They are usually acquaintances he knows from his church activities. Although I stand right next to him, he never introduces me. When this first started happening, I would stand there and smile at the person. They'd usually give me a "Why are you listening to our conversation look?" I normally step aside and pretend to be doing something else. Zack's excuse is always the same: "I would have introduced you, but I forgot (his or her) name." This evening was the last straw. A woman came up to him while we were shopping. They started to talk and I was ignored again. I was so hurt I walked out of the store. When he came outside he gave me the same, I forgot her name, excuse. Zack may love me, but I don't think he respects me. I'm seriously considering ending our relationship. Do you think I'm being too sensitive? - Justin

Justin,

I think you are being way to sensitive. Did you ever think of introducing yourself. Remember you are an adult and you do have a voice so use it honey. You two have been together for five years...........that's a long time in gay years. Don't throw away five years of good for a few seconds of misjudgement or even forgetfullness. You owe yourself that much and him. Communication is the foundation of any lasting relationship so communicate your feelings. I think you will feel a lot better.

Dear Jeffrey,

Being religios is one thing but being in the closet is another.
I'd lovee to go out and meet new "friends" but scared some one will find out. Plus I don't have any clue where to start in this area..Pontiac/Waterford. Am I nuts for trying? Dave.

Well Dave,

I was both at one time myself, very religious and in the closet. Luckily for me I had some very supportive friends that helped me out of the closet. You can also still be religious and be gay. If God created you in his image then you are just the way he wants you. The friend thing will definately take a little time. Have you looked up any gay organizations around your area? You may be surprised to find some people just like you there. Also the the internet is a great way to meet nice gay people, yes the internet can also be a sea of sex driven hormones in all of those chat areas but trust me, there are a few diamonds in those so called coal mines.